Constantine wire, grey walls, fences and bars. Locked in a cage,
dehumanized. Like an Animal, as if they deserve this hell anymore than
I do.
Talking to the Outside is like shouting down an empty well. You
imagine there is someone at the other end, or something listening to
you. But in your heart you know that if there is, it’s so foreign, so
strange, that there is no communicating, just superficial sounds
echoing. Echoing down an empty corridor. Not an Eco-Warrior.
You give your heart and soul, you bleed and fold, you fight in court
and live in isolation. You stand and demand until your life is a
demonstration.
They interview you and pretend to care about the movement….The state.
They interview you and steal your glory…. The fakes.
To one your a terrorist, equated with evil. A quick blurb to smear a
movement with a brushstroke. To the other your a college thesis or
political statement, or somehow related…. To a vicarious life.
Meanwhile, the Earth dies. The Animals lost in a holocaust. While you
type, you stare at screens. Where is communication between us?
You can’t relate to a human in a cage, out of sight but speaking words
you understand. You will never relate to the Animals plight, a
thousand times worse than that of any man.
You don’t want the truth. You want me to console you, don’t you? After
fighting with fire and losing my everything , you want me to counsel
you, oh stranger…. and for free. What else would you like, the
fillings out of my fucking teeth! Now I’m in the zoo and on display so
that you can see me the way you imagine, because everything really is
that way…. No it’s not.
It’s ugly and you can’t stand it, cause you can’t fix it, so you don’t
want to see it, but I’m gonna write it and I hope you don’t like it!
Age- 6 months, Mom is divorced Daddy sells drugs.
Age- 2 years, Mom is remarried new Dad is a drunk.
Confusion, pain, feeling deserted. Eating cans of condensed milk for
desert. That was age 8, aint it great.
Molested by age 10, depression setting in.
Now, age 12. I’m angry, hostile and confused as hell! Living in a
duplex with 8 Puerto Ricans I’ve never seen, that’s my family.
Age-13. What can I do? Fight, Fuck, Destroy! Get high, get drunk,
Destroy! Vandalize, drop out, Destroy! Turn on everyone and
everything. Make them pay for giving birth to me, DESTROY!
Fast forward to my twenties. A felon, no education…. A Straight Edge
Vegan. Work day labor and temporary services. 8 hours of bubble sheet
tests before you can shovel shit for minimum wage. Worked my fingers
to the bone until my back was wrecked. Off to ace check cashing, to
cash my check.
Age-30, I learned how to kiss the right ass, to land a pointless job
in the middle class. Hurdle the homeless on your way to the bus and
never forget you got one foot in the gutter. If you don’t smile at
work. If you don’t pick up on your bosses every cue, as fast as the
hipsters from college in skinny jeans do.
For over a decade I helped Animals because they helped me. they
treated me better than any person ever will, better than my family.
They loved me for being alive, they taught me what a relationship was
without any lies. So I spoke and I wrote and I protested. I even ate
fancy Vegan food with a bunch of stuck up white people. I watched
people weep and wail about how much they cared (as long as others were
watching) and then watched those same people succumb to their apathy.
Instead of white guilt, it’s anthropomorphic guilt. Pissing and
moaning not because of feeling their pain, just sad because they wish
they could motivate their own lazy asses to care about innocent life
as much as their money, their cars, their dick, their face book page.
Oh, did I strike a nerve? are you offended yet? Good, so am I.
I’m offended by those that pretend to care but lie! I’m offended by
the billions upon billions of innocent lives that senselessly die! I’m
offended by an incarceration that keeps my words censored, my hands
and feet tied, hog tied! Have you ever gone to bed to the sound of
cell doors slamming? Have the police ever come to your house to search
every body cavity? Have you ever had to spread your butt cheeks and
vigorously cough, while some redneck stares at your asshole?
Do you even know what real oppression is besides some historical idea
you read about in text books? Or are you just another privileged
anarchist shitbag that doesn’t like mean old Walter Bond because his
theoretical ideas weren’t expressed with the proper preferred pronouns
(and his rhetoric sounds wrong)? Has a white man ever called your mom
a nigger while you waive goodbye to her from the school bus? Have you
ever been shoved so far into the Federal Prison System that your
losing touch, with every imaginable context the outside world has to
offer?
So where is there communication between us?
You can’t relate to a human in a cage, out of sight but speaking words
you understand. Then you will never relate to the Animals plight , a
thousand times worse than that of any man.
by Abdul Haqq (formerly known as Walter Bond)
ALF POW
http://supportwalter.org/SW/index.php/2012/09/01/words-you-understand/